The List

I'm working on tithing these days. Normally I suck at it. Between changing jobs four times in three years, moving four times, and attending three different churches, I haven't had a ton of consistency in my life. Normalcy isn't really something I have any sort of grasp on.

Last month my pastor preached a sermon on tithing that reminded me that 1) I owe the church about $1,000,000,000,000,000 in back-tithes, and 2) I have been choosing comfort over trust in God for...well really, for forever. That extra money has helped me buy groceries and paid for bills, sure, but more than not, it's been wasted on $4 soy lattes from Starbucks and yet another pair of skinny jeans that I don't really need, even if they are ridiculously on sale. My lack of tithing skills has translated over to a lack of saving skills, too, so at the end of every two weeks, I find myself praying to Jesus that there won't be any sort disasters that will require me to pull the last $32 out of my checking account. Over the past year I've sold clothes and books, I've freelanced, I've panicked, and in a few of my least proud moments, I've called my parents and very awkwardly and embarrassingly asked them for help when I haven't been able to meet my own meager needs. It's not a pretty way to live.

Listening to this sermon was a reminder that I need to put God in charge of my finances, not just the vague areas in which I like to say I give him in control. I need to legitimately put my money where my mouth is, as crappy and painful as that may seem.



So I've gotten better--a lot better. I've been Nancy Normal the Tithing Queen for a few months, and I've been feeling pretty good about it. But last night something came up with my roommate that reminded me of exactly how tight my finances are, and I fell asleep after anxiously staring at the ceiling and whispering prayers for God to provide and get me out of this paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle that I hate so much.

This morning I was feeling better, and on my way out of my apartment building, I checked the mailbox. Because of my current status of Tithing Goddess, every time I check my mailbox I always hope that maybe I'll be the recipient of one of those random, "God just told me to send you $200," checks that people always talk about at church. You know what I mean. Those people who tithe their last four dollars and then see God provide for them in insanely well-timed, random ways. You hear those stories, and your eyes well up, and you think, well great. See, when I'm worried about money, God will totally send me a check too.


But this morning was....different. I did get something in the mail: a letter from the IRS telling me they re-checked my taxes, and I owe them more money.

Excellent way to start out my day. Hey thanks, government.

As I got into my Civic and turned on the heater, I was met with the smell of gas fumes. This has been happening for a week, and every time I get in my car I pray that it won't explode (because cars are really just big bombs when you have the imagination and anxiety that I have). On my lunch break I looked up, "Car heater smells like gasoline" and was greeted with a wealth of information about what it could be, but all of the answers I got said things like, "Take to mechanic as soon as possible. This might be an expensive fix. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$."

So I had a minor(ish) meltdown at my desk, and questioned God again about when this lifestyle is going to change. I was not met with any sort of miracle check or money order, but I did allow myself to ask for prayer from some very key people in my life. The meltdown lasted about a half an hour, and then it was over. I got back to work and felt more grateful than normal that I have a job, and more ready than normal to whoop some serious behind for the rest of the afternoon.

I don't exactly know what's going to happen, or if my car is going to explode into tiny pieces when I put my key in the ignition tomorrow morning, but I do know that there is a heck of a lot more to life than financial security. This has been a taxing year (badumbum) financially, yes. But it has also been a year where I have experienced some of the greatest blessings I could ever imagine.

Henceforth in this post, I shall share them. I'm making a list.

This year, I got to...

See Bon Iver. TWICE. Both times as gifts. See below.

Live with my old, very wonderful roommate for five months more and watch her fall in love with a very nice boy. (She's not old and he's not really a boy. Sorry if my word choice made that creepy.)

Shake David Bazan's hand and listen to him sing to a living room full of PBR-drinking hipsters.

Lead a church in lifting up their voices in praise to their Creator.

Make friends with several women who have honestly changed me forever.

Write. And get paid for it.

Move in with my new roommate. She is the freaking bomb.

Be introduced to kimchi. Oh so delicious. Sweet mother, you need to try it.

Read good things.

Meet people who find more joy in one another than they do in possessions.

Learn to speak Russian and Korean (sort of/barely.) Onyong.

See Future of Forestry. Be in awe of what lights and great sound can do.

Date a really, really good, truth-speaking man.

Live in a house with a girl who spent two years being homeless, a 45-year-old Tanzanian woman, and a pot-smoking female who I'm pretty sure didn't know my name, for two months. And that one girl who looked like she was eight. Oh the stories I will forever have from that time in my life.

See the Civil Wars perform live in a tiny bar in Chicago. Fall in love with John Paul White AND Joy Williams.

Dye my hair every shade from raven black to bleach blonde and still have hair at the end of that month. (August and September were a rough time for my hair, I'll admit that.)

Eat something called "Pizza Pot Pie," which was way less gross than it sounds, btw.

Stalk this band.

Realize and come to terms with the fact that I actually do like Justin Bieber.

Watch my nieces and my nephew grow another year older.

Hm. :)